Tuesday, January 22, 2013

my second birth story

ok here goes. I got a lot of bloody stains in my 3rd trimester.  More frequent towards the end. So aku expect baby akan keluar awal. Lagi pun, my first born keluar 2 weeks earlier. So expectation aku around Week 38/39 should come out d la. Akan tetapi, itu tidak terjadi sama sekali. yeah kan aku dah bagitau sesiap, budak ni she's a strong willed lady. She will come out whenever she wants, bloody stains or not.

Went for my final checkup at week 39, sarat nya penguin pun tak tahan gelak tengok aku jalan. budak dah dok bawah tahap dah. memang betul2 dekat jalan dah. tunggu jalan terbukak jer. then my doctor said, ok then if tak keluar jugak, i'll be seeing you on the EDD la which is 20/10/2012, we will induce, takut nnt overdue baby berak and lemas pulak kat dalam. woahh aku macam lek la puan doktor, kita bawak berbincang dulu. setahu saya overdue is Week42+. I baru nk masuk week40. and my baby is ok, no foetal distress apa-apa. aku cukup tak suka orang intervene benda lumrah ni. people has been giving birth since the beginning of time, my mama gave birth to 3 of my siblings at home, and she survived! I'm  not categorized as high risk, i'm a low risk mama, memang everything ok. yang puan doktor nak induce kenapa puan doktor? biar la my baby keluar on her own term. tapi the thing is, my husband bila dengar "nanti baby berak (leaked meconium), baby lemas, kene csect nanti" dahhh dia pun cuak.

aduh. Then I was like I'm good, I'm carrying her and I know that my baby is healthy and happy. and I'm healthy and happy. Apehal pulak korang nak cuak kan? then aku ckp kat doktor, tengok la dulu macam mana I'll go back and think and get back to you. Concern aku jugak ialah 20/10 tuh sabtu, mak Anas Imran cuti la kan weekend, aku segan la nak hantar dia rumah mak dia, sebab nya kalau aku induce on Sabtu, sure ptg/mlm tuh beranak, then kena stay another night which is Sunday night then Monday baru blk. So Anas akan duduk dengan mak dia over the weekend. kesian la dekat mak dia. it's supposed to be her day off. So I told DH, if tak keluar jugak by Monday kita induce. He la yang takut kalau ikut kan hati aku, tunggu jer la sampai baby keluar sendiri. Week 43 pon week 43 laa. Allah never makes mistake. Kalau itu Ketentuan Dia, then that is the best. Tapi ye la dah tertulis budak tu keluar by induction, then who are we to say otherwise.

So came Monday, no sign of labor pon. LOL. I took my own sweet time pagi tu siap-siap. mandi, scrub bagai, shampooed. Then hantar Anas Imran ke rumah mak dia, and pesan kat dia that tonight he has to sleep with mak, mama going to give birth to adik. macam la budak tu paham. then siap gi makan Kayu Nasi Kandar. dekat kol 11 baru gerak gi hospital. Siap akak Pearl Maternity call lagi, awak ni jadi tak nak induce hari ni? LOLed.

oh we come prepared. Siap dengan laptop, ipad, milo, biskut and chocolate. haha. need to make it as comfy as possible. we took the single room package, privacy sikit. After registration, masuk bilik. kecik jer the bilik tapi ok la. the toilet lengkap with toiletries and all. got TV. tapi takde kettle! Aku tak sukaaaa bilik hospital ka bilik hotel ka rumah tumpangan ka yang tadak kettle. I cannot live without hot water. macam mana nak buat air panas cicah biskut sambil tengok TV series kan?

After that we go and check baby heartbeat using the CTG la, everything ok, check jalan baru 1cm. Then dia masukkan ubat induce. Then suh aku balik bilik for an hour later check jalan balik. Aku blk bilik layan how i met your mother dengan DH. siap gelak bagai. yes! kene happy happy and have fun. kalau stress baby pun stress. Sian dia. After 1 hour go and check jln baru 3cm I think.

masa midwife tu check jalan, dia cakap la, kita kena pecahkan ketuban, cepat sikit baby keluar, I was like what? no! I want it to be all natural this time. no more intervention! dia pun bukak la cerita "baby berak later makan the meconium, bahaya lemas yada yada story" I tetap with my decision jangan pecahkan ketuban saya biar dia pecah sendiri. the thing is kalau ada meconium even a tad bit, mau dia c-sect aku. no way Jose!
Elok jer masa dia check jalan, aku rasa dia nak pecahkan ketuban, dan dan aku angkat bontot tak bagi. memang tak boleh la pecah la. dia pun gelak-gelak cakap tuh la saya ingat nak pecah ketuban awk tadi tapi tak dapat. hahaha ko ingat ketuban aku cikai-cikai? bullet proof ok? it will rapture on its own. tak payah nak tolong. let nature take its course.

We continued watching HIMYM la dari pukul 1 smp la pukul 5 I think. Tapi the contraction starts to really annoys me at 5pm la. the thing about induction contraction is, it has 2 peaks, so bila the first peak comes then the next peak come, dia macam double tap,  then the interval is very short, and penat for you to jaga your breathing. Dah la I tak makan lunch, ceritanya we thought at Pearl Maternity Hospital they will provide lunch like normal hospital, the thing is they don't. They do provide but you have to order in the morning. Mana I tau. So I ask my husband to tapau la. I want nasik, but my husband ni bangsa tak reti nak tapau nasik, kalau mintak tapau nasik jer sah sah dia tapau ayam goreng dgn sayur togeh. dah la aku anti togeh. Dia memang tak reti gila gila pasal domestic stuff ni. aku pun tak paham kenapa. So aku macam ok la nak Samurai Burger Double! haa hamik. ada hati nak makan samurai burger tengah-tengah nak labor.

So bila tengah contraction tu nak makan burger bagai memang tak larat laaa. udah la Pearl tadak kettle/boiler dlm bilik. Nak buat milo pun susah. Nasib baik la my husband paksa rela gi mintak air panas, boleh la minum milo. By 5.30pm, I cannot tengok dah HIMYM,  tetiba jer Asmaul-Husna keeps on looping in my head, and it soothes and calms me. macam magik. So I ask DH to play that in a loop. Then aku cakap aku lapar, my husband bagi la roti, aku makan tapi tak boleh telan, terus terasa mual nak muntah. Aku ckp kat DH, nak muntah, tapi dia ni bangsa tak dengar kalau orang ckp pelan pelan, so the next thing he knows, aku dah dlm toilet puking my guts out. tekejot la pakcik tuh. terus tekan loceng merah. emergency button tuh. aku macam apehal ko pegi tekan? lek ah muntah jer kot. udah ramai pulak la attend aku tgh muntah. malu oi.

Midwife then check jalan, 4cm. Aku macam 6cm to go? Then the midwife tuh tanya, dia kata nak painkiller tak? don't expect it to be like an epidural, sebab this is just a pain medication, and it will only take affect for 4hours. You will still feel the contraction tapi mild. At that time memang all my gentle birth stuff go down the drain. Aku angguk ja. seriously induction punye contraction len weh. So they injected me with the drugs at the bontot at around 6pm. after that kurang la the contraction and I manage to doze of until around 10pm ish.

The contraction starts to pick up again, nurse datang check jalan, baru 5 cm, tapi tak fully effaced lagi. The Asmaul Husna memang sangat amat membantu aku calm down, and the breathing technique sangat amat membantu in handling contraction. memang betul once tarik nafas dalam dalam suddenly the contraction macam pecah pecah. position aku bagai bagai, dari baring, squat down, down on all 4, sit down, half squat, you name it, I did it.

Bila around 11.30pm, contraction sangat intense, dia tak sakit macam pedih tau, dia sakit yang macam period pain, muscle contraction, aku tak boleh handle sakit yang jenis pedih. The contraction was so intense aku memang mengucap ja sambil swaying my hips kekiri dan kekanan. it worked wonders. Tapi kuat la aku mengucap satu spital dgr kot. Kol 12, my MIL sampai, dia datang nk tgk, masa tu aku tahap tak ada orang pun boleh pegang aku, sebab aku nak fokus on breathing, nehiiiii to all, laki aku pun tak leh pegang. Dia tengok aku dah macam itu rupanya dia dok kejap jer pastuh terus balik.

Then extraordinary thing is, after that, there was a long interval, dlm 5 minit, without any contraction, aku dalam hati "Alhamdulillah". rupanya it was the interval before going to second stage of labor, the pushing part. then the contraction jadi lain, bukan sakit period dah, dia sakit memulas nak teran, mula mula aku tahan, then mintak my husband push the emergency button, mai la nurse ni.. sorang ja, dia nak VE, so dia pegang perut aku nak check for contraction, aku kan masa tu memang pantang orang pegang perut, aku cakap la "tolong jangan pegang kak, tgh contraction, nnt dah abes contraction saya bagitau" sopan haaa walopon sakit nak beranak. cet. Dia boleh jawab "cakap saya sorang ni dekat level ni, semua orang lain dalam operation theatre nak c-sect sorang patient lagi. awk kena dgr ckp saya, saya tak boleh buat keje kalau awk tak bagi saya pegang awk."  WTH? masa tu aku mcm tekejot dan dan terus tak dapat nak tahan the urge to teran.. dia dah ckp dah jgn teran lagi,, tahan tahan.. dah kamu jawab macam tu.. ada hati aku nak tahan? terus I push as hard as I can. LOL. terus ketuban pecah.

Then the nurse macam, laa kan dah ckp jgn teran, dia pun buat VE, masuk jari sket ja dah rasa kepala baby.. haha. cuwakkk laaa dia.. terus tekan emergency button, dia nk bawak nek labor room la, it was a chaos at this point. aku macam "eh sorry, tak tahan tadi nak teran, terus teran, sorry pecah ketuban" apa hal la dgn aku? hahaha. then dia suh bangun la dari katil, kalut la dia pi amik wheelchair, dan dan masa aku turun katil nak duduk atas wheelchair, strong urge to push came, aku macam nakkk jer beranak kat situ, sebab I already feel the head crowning, no burning sensation for me, just rasa the baby head dekat my vagina.

aku dah kalut dah, macam mana nak duduk, kang terpeleot kepala anak aku, then aku ckp kat nurse i want to give birth here, then dia pun kalut dah dia sorang sorang, dia dok cakap, tahan jangan teran, nanti baby jatuh, awk dah mengandung 9 bulan sia sia je. takpe boleh duduk lagi. LOL. aku dah menjerit jerit dah ckp baby dah nk keluar, rasa dah kepala dia, then dia tolak jugak suh aku duduk. aku macam taknak! hahaha. funny scene bila ingat balik. tengah-tengah aksi menjerit jerit tu, doktor Rosita mai dgn nurses lain. dengar suara dia jer terus contraction stop. hahahaha. takut woah dia membebel. baru la aku boleh duduk. dah la wheelchair tu pulak buat hal, tempat letak kaki belah kiri rosak pulak.. so aku masa tu memang tak larat nak angkat kaki pun, blur nya aku ni boleh gi tanya my husband, bang cane dgn kaki lagi satu ni? dia la gi angkat kaki kiri letak dekat kaki kanan. then masa nek lift semua macam tak ada apa-apa.. tak sakit tak apa.. sebab interval between contraction kan.. sampai dekat labor room pun aku boleh naik katil macam tak ada apa-apa.

dah terkangkang depan doktor Rosita, dia dah pakai glove bagai, dia tgh aku, aku tgk dia, dia cakap "dah jangan cakap awak taknak beranak lagi, tadi menjerit bagai, saya ada patient dah under anes tuh nak c-sect" terus lebam muka malu. tahu malu menjerit tadi tak malu pulak. haha. then immediately after dia cakap tu, terus contraction mai, aku terus push, nurse tuh punya la suh breathe the baby out, like what I read in the gentle birthing group, J breathing, dah tak pikir dah masa tu, I just want the baby out. I push macam kena sembelit, tapi I didnt make any sound at all masa push tu, exactly macam I push masa sembelit. 2 kali push terus keluar the kepala, then the contraction stop for a while, jap ja like 5 seconds, for the baby to re align the shoulder kan, MasyaALLAH macam mana entah the baby and my body boleh sync up,  then the second wave of contraction comes, with one push terus keluar the whole body. the feeling was amazing! masa the whole badan keluar tuh sgt surreal.

time of birth is 12.50am. Alhamdulillah sangat sebab it was an easy labor. masa the badan keluar, I knew that the baby sure under 3kg. sebab masa Anas keluar, ya ALLAH, rasa macam benda super besar keluar dari vagina. Tapi this one, dengan senang nya dia slide keluar. Then the usual thing la, the baby cried a bit only, the doktor cut the cord, then the nurse letak dekat the tempat panas tuh for inspection. then masa tuh dia nangis. Time ni aku kecik ati sikit la, sebab with Anas once the baby is out, the doctor terus letak baby atas perut aku, the first thing that Anas saw was me, and the familiarity of my body, dia rasa safe, dia senyap jer, terkelip kelip tgk mama dia. then only doktor cut the cord while he was on my tummy. bila placenta dah keluar baru la nurse angkat pi wat inspection.

Tapi yang kali ni, the nurse buat inspection dulu, then tinggal dia dekat situ, to get something, while dia nangis, aku cakap la takpe baby, mama's here, no worries. baru dia senyap sikit. She just came out to the real world, she needs some familiarity for her to feel safe. tuh la aku ralat sikit. aku cakap aku nk pegang baby, tapi the doctor said, later you will have the chance to hold your baby, sebelum tuh let the nurse potong tali pusat and buat apa yg patut dulu. sangat ralat ok!

After the placenta keluar and then the doctor stitch me up, tak banyak sgt the tear, tapi one thing with doktor Rosita is, the stitches are top notch. sangat kemas! and cepat sangat dia buat. Tapi aku kena marah byk kali la sebab aku angkat bontot. hahaha. geli laaa.. bila dah settle semua, the nurse suh aku balik bilik la, while dia settle kan the baby vax and all, aku cakap la kak saya nak pegang baby saya dulu laki saya nk azan nk iqamat dulu. ape daaa. aku sempat pegang and cium and husband sempat azan and qamat tapi aku tak sempat nak breastfeed her in the first hour. another ralat from me. sangat ralat.

Aku balik bilik, still high from the excitement, around 3am baru la nurse roll in my baby for some rooming in time. yup Pearl Maternity allow rooming in, maksudnya the baby boleh sleep with you. to ease breastfeeding.
I tried breastfeed her tapi you know how colostrum is, tak tau dia keluar ke tak, dah sikit jer kan. mana ada let down reflex pun lagi masa ni. But she seems to be enjoying it, latching dengan sangat expert nye. And dia cranky sikit sebab sejuk kot bilik tu. So aku peluk dia, terus senyap and tido sampai esok. My husband? balik bilik jer terus tidur tak sedar apa apa. haha. penat ok melayan bini dia beranak.

There are a lot of differences from my first birth, good and bad differences. Tapi I would say this time around I'm really proud of myself for not giving in for epidural. banyak sangat perbezaan baby epidural and natural baby ni. I save it for the next post. And yup that pretty much sums up my birth story. Fatimah Azzahra, you are one easy baby to deliver. I love you kiddo.





Tuesday, January 8, 2013

ngigau

aku tgh buat keje office yang pending since last week. Anas and Fatimah were both sleeping. DH downstairs with his game. oh heck he has his games and I have my hipster mama thing. ok sudah tergelincir dari topik. It was around 1.45am. Then tiba tiba boleh Anas Imran mengigau "nak boat nak boat" aku ingat takat tuh ja, tiba tiba dia bangun, "nak boat". aku nak gelak pun kesian. aku cam suh ja dia tido balik. dia macam blur gila.

nih sah sah ikut perangai aku. suka ckp dlm tidur. bangun macam tuh pun aku pernah. bukan takat bangun jer, aku panjat orang tidur sebelah aku, end up in the other side. haa ko mampu? kannn. pastuh aku dok kutuk-kutuk Fatimah tidur lesak. orang Kelantan panggil tidur buas. semua ikut perangai aku. aku dah cakap dah, gene aku ni kuat, itu yang perangai aku lebih. haha ftw lah. nah tgk budak kecik 2 bulan ni tidur macam mana? kurang sopan kan?

Monday, January 7, 2013

babywearing journal #4: wrap heaven!

now that the little squish is out. I'm officially a wrap mama. Anas pun dah kureng dah naik Kinderpack. last weekend pergi Queensbay nak cari sport shoes for Anas sebab dia suka main bola, easier for him to run around kot kalau ada sport shoes. Dia mintak susu, "mama nak susu, nak minum susu peluk mama." budak ni takat ada adik ni, semua nak berkepit ngan mak je. kesian jugak kat dia, dia dulu aku breastfeed until about 4 months je, then susu kering, dia memang minum campur bm + fm dari first day lagi. kesian weh, dia tengok adik dia minum from my boobs, sayu je. dia refer to my boobs as susu adik Timah now. Dia pun nak minum susu adik Timah jugak. sadddd. I was cluesless back then ok. then now dengan Fatimah baru la exclusive breastfeed until now. which im having problem with bottle feeding pulak with her, now that i'm back to work. that is another story.

ha to continue the story, i told him, "nak naik belakang mama pakai elephant(referring to my Didymos India wrap) tak?" dia terus hangguk. piggyback dengan senang hati nye. suka pulak tuh. and aku boleh masuk Toysrus dengan senang hati. muahahaha. tidak perlu kejar dia lagi. sebelum tuh his abah wore him in Kinderpack, dok tak sampai 5 minit, takmo, sebab cannot high back carry maa. dia nampak blkg abah dia ja. kalau carry pakai wrap nun kepala dia sama level dgn kepala aku. so memang macam piggy ride la. tuh yang dia suka. no turning back dah orang kata. So misi aku adalah to hoard more wraps, and let go of the SSCs and Mei Tais.

Nah action pics as of now. later i'll blog more. newbie maa, wrapping sloppy tahap cipan. hahaha.